Conrad Theroux questioned in theft of field.

Security forces at Fort McNair in Southwest Washington, D.C. are seeking Conrad Theroux, Coast Guard employee, for questioning in the theft of a parade field from the Fort on Friday afternoon. Mr. Theroux was seen leaving the Fort with a significant amount of the field stuck to his arms, legs, clothes, and hair.

Accomplices included several other members of the Buzzard Point Ultimate Club: Tom, Paul, Steve, Eric, Kevin, Matt and Brian. Matt Murtha may be facing perjury charges for a statement he made to investigators “I was the first one out to the field today.” That statement, while true, was so unlikely that anything else Matt says will not be believed for the rest of the day.

In other news, stock in Orange Glo International, maker of OxiClean, jumped 3% on reports of the theft. The late OxiClean pitchman Billy Mays was heard to say “Hi! Billy Mays here for HOLY MOLY YOU GUYS ARE DIRTY! I don’t know if OxiClean can clean that!”

And player of the game honors go to Steve Habbert, for sweet disc handling skills and not one but TWO beautiful box-out catches for scores. We would have given you the medal on the field, but it was the wrong color to wear with your orange shorts, orange sweatshirt, orange socks, and orange fruit of the looms. Steve also played the entire game holding a bag of carrots and wearing a deer-hunter’s blaze cap (with earflaps). Hey, Steve, pumpkins are sooooo October! Get with the season!

Thanks to all who came out for MudBowl 2009. Warm up, rest up and lets play Monday!