Lap dances and new guys...

Do I have your attention yet?

On days like yesterday there are always two questions you hear asked after or during the game. “Why am I running more with more people out here?” and “What happened to all my passing lanes?”

Ah, the benefits of having a regulation 14 players!

To think, when I called the game yesterday I had to send out an email to ask the bare minimum crowd of 7 asking if they minded banking on the return of a “maybe” from an official function. “Call the game!” was the resounding reply and so I did. And…as it turns out…had very little to worry about. Both Todd & Phil did, indeed, get back in time and said they were in.

Then I wander down to the locker room to change and in saunters Scott (or when “No” means “Yes”). Still, I hadn’t counted on him for sure. Then as he, Paul & I were out warming up on the pitch, a stranger came wandering across the horizon of the field, holding his cleats in hands like an old western hero moseying down the middle of town hands at the ready for anything suspicious. I could almost hear the “Eastwood-esque” musical announcement of his arrival and there he was, returned from the proverbial dead…Tom.

“Hey, I get ‘new guy’ status today” Tom argued.

“What status is that exactly?” I asked.

“I can pretty much screw up anyway possible out on the field today and you have to keep giving me that positive encouragement of insincere plaudits like ‘good hustle’ and ‘nice effort’ every time” he explained.

“Oh” I deadpanned, thinking to myself that insincerity and sarcasm are two of my stronger communicative characteristics. “No problem, you got it”.

So we lined up our 5 on 5, still expecting Kevin & Conrad to make it out of the locker room. And then George wandered over, and walking with Kevin & Conrad was Jeff and all of a sudden we had 7’s!

On gold’s first drive down the field, Tom made a great cut toward the side of end zone and made a nice reach on a low pass I threw him. “New guy status, my …” I thought.

“Great catch Tom, welcome back”.

That cut to the outside would be something we’d struggle with making the rest of the day as we continued to try and throw to the middle of the field where most of those 28 arms were flailing around. Stack and cut, stack and cut, stack and….well it’s progress, not perfection.

Because there are some other factors like Jason observed. “Well, if I cut and you don’t throw it to me, then where do I go?” And it’s a great question with multiple answers depending on who you ask and what style of offense they’ve played in the past or what makes sense to them logically. Of course, as Brad has found out, his logic isn’t necessarily everybody else’s logic.

And back to Brian’s question of “Why am I running more with more people out here?” Well, perhaps because you’re trying to get away from each other to get open. See “stack and cut” - A good rule of thumb for you, as a receiver, might be to not let one defender cover multiple receivers because they are standing next to each other.

This actually may take some practice. We’re starting to develop a nice little core group for a potential tournament appearance soon and we may want to run some drills. We may also want to find some women for our team.

Kelly? Have you found employment yet? If not, come play with us. You know why Jeana couldn’t play with us yesterday? She fell off a bicycle this past weekend. We’re going to have to write clauses into our Buzzards’ contracts about dangerous activities during non-playing hours. Oh wait, I thought the playing hours were generally the dangerous activity period but I guess when you add tequila, anything can be hazardous. Bridgette? Are you still around? We need more women! Otherwise, I’m going to have to resort to asking Scott and Paul to come out in drag. Now word has it that Scott can do a mean lap dance but really…please don’t let it come to that.

Great turnout yesterday folks!